Over the past few weeks, you’ve noticed your mother’s rapidly declining health. She doesn’t drive anymore, needs help taking her medications, and is beginning to have trouble walking.
Does this mean she needs to move to a skilled nursing community? It may be time to take a closer look at signs she needs some assistance with her activities of daily living.
Signs Your Loved One Needs Skilled Nursing Care
Skilled nursing, often called long-term care, is a place for people who need continuous help with daily activities and require professional medical care.
Watching for a clear pattern of diminished physical or mental abilities is helpful. A single sign, such as forgetting to return a phone call or missing an appointment, doesn’t mean that your loved one is ready to move into long-term care.
Inability to Manage Responsibilities
Daily life requires us to juggle all kinds of things — appointments, phone calls, bills, money management, and more. People of any age are bound to forget something at times. So, don’t worry if this happens to your loved one on occasion.
However, if your loved one is having trouble remembering to pay bills each month, is forgetting important appointments, or seems overwhelmed with these types of tasks, they may benefit from additional care.
Declining Physical Health and Abilities
Declining physical health and abilities is one of the easier signs to look for. You’ll likely notice if your loved one has trouble getting around, keeping themselves and their home clean, or feeding themselves.
If you’re not sure where your loved one falls on this spectrum, try sharing your concerns with your loved one’s physician. They may use a tool like the Katz Index of Independence in Activities of Daily Living to evaluate your loved one’s routine tasks.
A higher score may indicate that your loved one only needs a helping hand with some daily activities and is not necessarily appropriate for skilled nursing or long-term care. On the other hand, a lower score may indicate that your loved one may require continuous help with activities of daily living to remain safe and maintain a good quality of life.
Here are some activities of daily living to observe when watching for signs of declining health:
- Bathing – How much direction and personal assistance does your loved one require to remain safe while bathing?
- Dressing – Can your loved one get dressed on their own, or do they need help choosing clothes and putting them on?
- Toileting – Does your loved one have difficulty transferring to and from the toilet?
- Transferring – Is your loved one able to get in and out of furniture or their bed without assistance?
- Continence – Is your loved one experiencing partial or total incontinence of their bowel or bladder?
- Feeding – Can your loved one feed themselves, or do they need help?
Consider Your Own Ability to Help
You or other family members may be able to assist your loved one daily. If so, you could delay a move to a skilled nursing or long-term care community. But if you don’t live close by, can’t get time off to help, or are financially unable to be a caregiver, you’ll need to consider other options like long-term care in a senior living community.
It’s also important to consider your own health when deciding if it’s feasible to care for a loved one. Caregiving can take a toll on a caregiver’s mental and physical health. You’ll want to ensure you have other available resources to help when you need a break, experience an illness, or want to travel on a vacation.
You can usually find respite care for caregivers and their loved ones at senior living communities. Research what resources are available nearby so you’re better prepared, especially when an unexpected need comes up.
Few things can make people squirm like a tough conversation. It’s never easy to tell a person something they might not want to hear. That’s especially true when it’s an emotionally charged topic. Talking to your loved one about long-term care certainly checks those boxes.
As with any difficult talk, planning and preparation are key so you can stay calm throughout. Once you’ve decided that your loved one needs long-term care, your next step is to talk with them.
Follow these three steps to ensure a productive, positive conversation.
Step 1: Prepare for the Discussion with Family Members
It’s best to collect your thoughts before discussing your concerns with your loved one. This way, you’ll ensure you cover everything you want to and are prepared for any push-back.
You’ll need to talk with other family members – siblings, nieces, nephews, or anyone who will be directly involved in your loved one’s care. Explain to them that you’re concerned about your loved one’s decline, and give examples of the signs you’ve noticed.
In this conversation, and in the one you’re planning for your loved one, be respectful of other people’s thoughts. Listen without trying to think of a response. The goal is
to make sure everyone is in agreement, not to win every argument.
Step 2: Approach and Listen to Your Loved One Respectfully
Ideally, you’ll talk to your loved one about long-term care before it’s an emergency. This gives them time to think about what you’ve said and not feel rushed to make a decision. But even if time is of the essence, try these tips to help the conversation go smoothly.
Although it’s a difficult conversation, do your best to stay level-headed. Some families may be famous for their yelling matches, but this isn’t the time for that. By approaching the issue calmly, your loved one will see that you’re looking for the best outcome.
Don’t be frustrated if your loved one wants more than one conversation to figure things out. Think about their perspective. This is an enormous life change – you wouldn’t make one without some deep thinking, either.
Finally, don’t be afraid to be honest in this conversation. Remember the notes about feelings above? Yours are valid, too. If this discussion is difficult for you, admit it. You might find this helps bring you closer together.
Step 3: Form a Long-Term Care Plan for the Future
The goal of your conversation with your loved one is to decide on the next steps. That may mean beginning to look at long-term care options, whether at a specific location or through in-home care. Or, it may be finding a dedicated family caregiver who will be responsible for your loved one.
Whatever your decision, end the conversation by outlining the next steps that need to happen and when they should be completed. Chart out objectives and map each one to a specific person and timeline. This will help everyone stay on track and keep decision-makers accountable.
Wanting to learn more?
Please do contact us and come and see what we do. You would be very welcome at Country Lodge Nursing Home: Cote Street, Worthing, BN13 3EX.
Telephone number: 01903 830 600